Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
