Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
