apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
