he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
