Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
