WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
