I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
