420 ftw
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
