hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
