I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
