I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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