is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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