So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
