I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
