That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
