It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
