I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I will be naked everywhere
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
