My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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