from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Help. Why am I so naked?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
