Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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