You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
