i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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