It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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