I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
