I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
