I faked an abortion last night.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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