Moan for me like Helen Keller
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My dick has a subreddit
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
