You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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