My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
