I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just blew my weed a kiss
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
