I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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