She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
