Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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