I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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