i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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