Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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