They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The beer is more important than you right now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
