Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
