I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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