i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
