I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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