i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My life is pants optional.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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