The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
