we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
