lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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