shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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