Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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