just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
