Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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