tell your sister to shave her snatch
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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